Tuesday

It was an exhausting three years of my life feeling like this. I need to change my perspective on life and ofcourse I need to change myself. I always thought how I look was important and I was focusing on my look. I lost 15 kilos, but I'm not happy with myself. I know how stupid it sounds but how you look is not important. I figured that out too late. Now, I hate myself not because of my look, it's because I don't like the person I am today. I forgot how to smile, how to talk to people. I was so mad at myself because of my look and now I see how stupid I was. Four years ago I was such a happy person, when I asked people what they think about me they would always say "You always smile. You're always happy. " but i wasn't satisfied with that. I wanted to be a pretty skinny girl so they would say you are so beautiful and stuff like that. So I started to lose weight and I became so obsessed of how I look and I forgot to smile, to be happy and to enjoy life. It's hard for me to remember times when I was a happy person. But I remember some stuff. I used to do weird things and I was always the one that do something crazy. People would say I'm childlish and I hated that.Now I need to figure out the way to be a better person, I need to start laughing again and to be happy. It is going to be hard because it's not that easy to fix myself but I hope I will make it. It has been too much sadness in my life, really I can't remember when was the last time I laughed. This is not only for myself, it is for everyone else that feels sad constantly. We are going to get through this, we are going to be happy, we are going to live our lives the best we can.

'It's just a spark, but it's enough to keep me going.' - Paramore 'Last Hope'