I'm starting to think of changing my life. Even though school is stopping me from being a better person. I will try to study, so I can just get rid of most of my subjects, at least until the winter holidays. I mean a lot of things scares me, but I know that I'm not the only one. I really hope that the time after school will be so much better. I will try to make it that way. I just feel good and I know it will pass, so I'm just trying to embrace it and I'm trying not to think about negative stuff. Everything will be okay, and I will make my best. You just don't know for how long I didn't felt POSITIVE. I just want to try new stuff and just to step out of this shell. I mean that is going to be a long process, but at least I will know I am doing stuff. If anyone reads this can you please, please, please recommend me some stuff to do in this autumn/winter time? Please, I just hope that someone read this.

I am literally so obsessed with saving money for stuff that I like. I want to buy so many things not because I need them but because I want a little difference in my life. I am sooo obsessed with incense sticks and candles. I think it's really important, from time to time, to spend a little money on yourself. The thing that is not healthy for you is if you are buying stuff and you think that it is going to make you happy and after a while you find another stuff that you want to buy and it goes on and on like this, you are not doing a good thing for yourself. Things are not going to make you happy, you need to do something to change yourself to be happy. Things need to be a "side" thing for your happiness. It's good to spend a little money on yourself but if you see that you're gone too far, it's not worth it. Spend a little money not for stuff that haven't got benefits on you, spend it on making your environment better, spend it on colors, on stones, on stuff that you need to make... Spend it on stuff that makes you creative, it doesn't matter if you're an expert in it or not, if that makes you happy it doesn't matter, the most important thing is that you're happy and that you keep doing stuff for yourself. I am not good at painting but sometimes I like to paint a little and it's not really awesome but the procedure of making that made me feel awesome. Just create a little, make your environment a little different and it will be easier for you to start creating such a wonderful things.

yep.

Why is this "adolescent" period so sad? We were all happy when we were little children. We had our own imaginary world with our own stories and our own creatures. We were so happy with little things like toys or just spending time with our friends and family. I think that for our generation it's the hardest to adjust because we were born when all the technology was made. I remember when I was 5 I got the first computer, I had games like Barbie and Tarzan. Even though all of the children had computers we went out and we played in the park. We were all so happy and didn't care about anything. We didn't want any new clothes, new games, anything new. Our parents bought that for us and we were satisfied but it's not like we wanted it so much. We were satisfied with only hanging out with other children, living careless life. I remember the period when I wanted to be older. It was the period when Facebook came. We went out and we were on our mobile phones but we also talked to each other. Every year technology was improving but we didn't. We spent more and more time on fucking mobile phones. I mean it was a great time, we also hanged out, but it was like all the stuff you do it's on facebook. We all wanted to be older, and our parents would always say to us "You're not a little child anymore, you need to grow up." I wish they didn't told me that. When we are children we have such a happy world and then through puberty we became such fragil things. We become depressed and sad. Just look at people when you walk home. They all have that serious face, they are always in a hurry. When you see people on facebook or instagram, they all look so happy, but in fact they are not happy. They have made a sick world online where they pretend to be happy and amazing person on the internet but in the real life they are nothing like that. We should all try to be positive with ourselves in this real world, not only online. Why shouldn't we have the imaginary world just like when we were children in our 20s or even much older than that? Society tell us that adults are serious people who are dedicated to their work. People have the jobs they don't even want to do but they must to do it because of money. They go to work and after that they go home and every fucking day it's the same for them. I don't want to be that person. I want to be happy, I want to do something that I love even if I love it a little. I don't want to live a stressed life. All the people my age are living life where they pretend they are older. I mean, what is the point? You're born, then you have childhood then you hit puberty and pretend like you're older, then you're 20 with no future, then you have a job that you don't like, then you have children and then you're 60 and you ask yourself what have I done with my life? I spent it with not being happy and wishing I am someone else. This society teach us wrong stuff. I want to be different then those people, I don't want to live a life like that one, I want to appreciate every day that I'm here. I want to make myself the best I can ever be...