I am afraid of everything. I am afraid of my future, of my past, of my present. I am afraid that I will fail. It is kind of strange really, to be so afraid of everything at the same time. I am afraid of the person who I might become. I really don't want to be an insensitive person who only thinks of himself, I want to be passionate about stuff again. I want to feel something. I am sick of being around such a negative environment. It is weird that everyone around me is so negative and I am afraid that I will end up being that person again. I love my friend so much but lately it's just so overwhelming and I just need to take a break of everything. I want to be happy again and I really don't want to get used to this situation. I don't want my life like this, I don't want to be miserable, sad person who is only focused on problems that is going on. That's the shit I don't want in my life. For fucks sake, I want to be happy and to feel happy again. I mean if I have been happy before my high school experience, why shouldn't I feel happy afterwards? I don't want to be a miserable human being, I want to finally start doing stuff for myself, and maybe after high school I will do something for myself finally. It's weird when you are trying to be positive around negative people. They call themselves realistic. I mean, if you are a realist it's just like you are a pessimist. You always think "No that is not possible" when in other way around you can actually do this if you have enough strength and will to accomplish something. If I want to do one job so badly and if someone thinks I don't have a chance to do stuff like that, I am going to prove that this "someone" is wrong. I feel like I don't really know what am I going to do later in my life, but we will see where the road is taking me. I don't want for anyone to feel like he or she is not able to do something in life just because no one is having faith in them. I have faith in you, and if you have faith in yourself, you will accomplish everything you want in life, just please be an optimist, never a realist or pessimist.